“Same Sex Marriage” … How Do We Respond?
Dear beloved church family,
It’s been several weeks since the Supreme Court’s June 26, 2015, decision legalizing homosexual or “same sex” marriage nationwide and as pastoral team we’ve been processing through a response for our church over the last month.
Though much has been written on this issue – and much of it good (see links below) – we also know that in the confessing Christian church at large there are various opinions, debates, and even confusion concerning what the Bible teaches and how believers should respond.
As your pastors one of our central and sacred roles is to seek to preserve sound doctrine in our church family, and we’re convinced that the Bible is clear on this issue. We also believe that refraining from presenting that with clarity is spiritually dangerous. And so, we thought it wise at this time to address the issue directly and comment on some of its implications for our faith and witness as a local church.
So here are five points on same sex marriage and its implications that we hope will be helpful for you, our precious church.
1. Marriage – and its definition – belongs to the One who created it.
How do we define marriage? A better question might be: “who has the authority to define marriage”?
We believe that neither Congress, nor statehouses, nor courts invented marriage. God did. Therefore, marriage – and its definition – belongs to God alone.
This is perfectly illustrated by Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 19:4-6: “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So, they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let not man separate.”
Quoting from Genesis 1:26 and 2:24 the Lord makes clear in the Matthew passage above that male-female marriage is God’s design from the beginning, and upon that basis He declares, “What therefore God has joined together let no man separate.”
Notice in the same passage, that the consequence of God’s original design in creation means that it is God who makes every marriage a real marriage: He Himself is the One who “has joined together” two people into one.
This passage also intimates what other passages also do; namely that marriage – as an institution – and as an actual experience for any couple – is not only not sourced in man but is sourced in the very image and gospel of God.
God’s image: Notice first how marriage reflects His image: as a God of plurality in perfect unity, Whose very being consists of different persons with different roles all existing in one God, the presence in marriage of two distinct genders – male and female – who together bear the one “image of God” – reflects the unity in community of the Trinity itself (Genesis 1:26, 2:24; 1 Corinthians 11:3).
God’s gospel: As a reflection of His saving love for His church, the concept of a sacrificial leader and a faithful follower reflects His very heart in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, (Ephisians 5:26). Again – notice that this reflection is predicated upon the man (representing Christ) as the loving sacrificial head of the marriage and the woman (representing the church) as the respectful, submitted follower of the head (Ephesians 5:26-33; 1 Peter 3:1-7; 1 Corinthians 11:1-3).
Marriage is meant to image God and His gospel as it reflects:
- unity in community,
- equality in dignity,
- differentiation in roles,
- companionship and fruit bearing,
- sacrificial leading and faithful following
For all these reasons, we believe marriage as defined by God in the Bible is the only kind of marriage that really exists in God’s mind; and His is the only mind that really counts in what is fundamentally a debate about the meaning of spiritual truth. Therefore, we maintain that marriage is a divinely sourced institution that finds its only right and God-glorifying expression when one man and one woman unite for life.
Marriage and homosexuality and the Bible: Finally, homosexual marriage not only fails in its ability to uniquely reflect the image and gospel of God, but it also violates His holiness. The Lord has made clear – across the Testaments – from Moses to Paul, (Genesis 19:1-30; Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Romans 1:25-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11) that homosexual practice – whether in the context of so called “same sex marriage” or not – is sin. It is an offense that distorts God’s natural design for mankind and is ultimately a sinful rejection of His image, His glory, and His moral law.
To deny the consistent teaching of Scripture on this issue – as many churches tragically have – is to pervert God’s Holy Word and bring destruction to the church’s divine call to be light to a world in darkness.
Apart from God’s grace, the human heart always craves teaching to suit its own desires (2 Timothy 4:3); but to appease this craving by ignoring or rejecting God’s teaching on this contentious issue is to contribute to the tragedy of man’s damnation (1 Corinthians 6:20-9).
And so, in this fallen culture, we must not be a church of whom the Lord would say, “they have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ when there is no peace’” (Jeremiah 6:14). Rather, we must offer redemptive truth that the Holy Spirit can fill with transforming grace.
2. We must not treat homosexuals (including those in “same sex” marriages) as modern lepers, unredeemable, or beneath those of us who struggle with supposedly more “respectable” sins.
hen the Lord Jesus condemned the Jewish city of Capernaum of his own day in Matthew 11, one of the most provocative statements he made was that the ancient city of Sodom – which was clearly full of homosexual sin (Genesis 19:4-6; Jude 7) – would fare better on the Day of Judgment than religious Capernaum. This was because the people of Sodom would have repented before the Lord’s presence and miracles had He come to them in their day – and yet Capernaum did not repent before the Lord (Matthew 11:23-24).
So, we see that the sinful hardened unbelief of the religious people that filled Capernaum was more dangerous and damning than the rather horrifying sexual immorality that filled Sodom. That dynamic alone should warn us about vilifying homosexual sins as worse than those invisible sins of pride and unbelief that might occur in our own hearts.
Homosexuality is unquestionably an abomination to God, but so is a religious self-righteousness that looks down on other sinners and fails to recognize its own need and therefore is unable to walk in step with the Christ who said, “I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance” (Luke 5:31-32). We follow a Lord who was so interested in the salvation of the lost that he was accused of being “a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners” by religious people who thought themselves too good to spend any time with, or compassion on, the lost (Matthew 11:19). May we imitate Jesus and not his critics.
It is also important to remember that some of us in our church body have relatives who practice homosexuality. When any of us display a “leper-like” attitude toward homosexuals, it will be hurtful and divisive among those of us who grieve for beloved family members trapped in this particular sin.
Lastly, let us remember some in our church family are doubtless tempted by homosexuality and struggle to stay faithful to Christ through it. To fail to extend to them the same love, respect, acceptance, and hope – as they battle against this particular temptation – that Jesus offers us in our temptations is a denial of the heart of our Lord (1 Peter 3:8).
3. Let us endeavor to be a loving and respectful light to homosexuals – whoever they are and whenever we can.
ll of us once stood blind, captive, and justly condemned before God for our sins, objects of His wrath, and deserving of hell (Ephesians 2:1-3). All of us still need His forgiveness daily (1 John 1:9-2:1; Hebrews 4:14-16). All of us know what it is to struggle greatly with the power of remaining indwelling sin (Romans 7). All of us know what it is to have God step into our powerlessness and free us through the Gospel of His Son and the power of His Holy Spirit (Romans 6:1-14). All these truths should compel us to look with compassion on those caught in the hopelessness of their sin and be ready to offer to them the truth and love of Jesus.
Just as we’re called to love the lost sinner captive to any other sin, we must also know that we are called to love the lost sinner who’s trapped in homosexuality. In their case – just as in anyone else’s – if the God who “came to seek and save that which was lost” lives in us, then He will be longing to seek and save them as well and – for His sake – they deserve our compassion and respect (Luke 19:10).
Of course, loving the lost in this world means that at times we have to say hard things and possibly even suffer for it. Our culture increasingly sees historic Biblical values regarding homosexuality as blatant bigotry, and so standing for truth in this particular area is increasingly hated. But we follow a suffering Savior who made loving people with the truth – rather than His comfort – His goal. He knew what we might face when he said, “if the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you,” (John 15:18). If we have to be hated, let’s work hard to make sure it’s not because we’re unloving in our words or actions, but because we’re representing a Savior who was hated at times too – even when He sought to love. And so let our speech “always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Colossians 4:6).
Finally, let’s remember that some will not hate the Christ they see in us. Sometimes we can have a pessimistic view of the particular sin of homosexuality – as if it were somehow uniquely impenetrable to the grace of God. But in the sixth chapter of Corinthians, Paul wrote to a church that had been caught in all kinds of soul-destroying sins including homosexuality (which Paul explicitly mentions with two different Greek words!). But they all -- whether alcoholics or idolaters or money worshipers or thieves or homosexuals – they all experienced the far greater saving power of Christ. To all these he said, “you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:11). Therefore, in our witness, we must feed on the hope that God’s ability to save is always greater than sin’s ability to destroy.
4. While God’s exclusive definition of marriage being “one man, one woman for life” is clear and unchanging, faithful Bible-believing Christians can still disagree with each other about some things in this issue.
That the Bible forbids Christians from homosexual practices, whether in the context of same sex marriage or not, is beyond dispute (see #1 above). That is essential doctrine which confessing Christians should all agree on.
But we can graciously differ with Christians about how involved secular governments should be in legislating laws concerning marriage.
I have good friends who love Jesus who think a secular government has no more right to forbid homosexuals from marrying (a prohibition they see as religiously grounded) than it has a right to force a child in a public school to say Muslim prayers at lunch. While they believe homosexual practice is a sin and same sex marriage violates God’s design, they don't believe a secular government should legislate Biblical prohibitions against consenting adults concerning this particular sin. They see religiously grounded “government” on this specific issue as the role of pastors who shepherd church members, and they might believe Paul agrees with them when he asks the Corinthians, “What have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside” (1 Corinthians 5:12-13).
Conversely, I have other godly friends who argue that the state has no right to sanction a practice that violates God’s natural law so deeply, as His law is fundamental to all law. They believe such a violation may lead to societal disintegration on a foundational level we’ve never before experienced. In the rejection of the historical and biblical ideal, they see deep and destructive moral confusion producing a loss of any philosophical justification for defining marriage by any definition at all. “What is the moral ground for forbidding polygamous or incestuous or adult-child marriage?” they might well ask. They point out that culture is never “value-neutral,” but it is merely a question of whose values are “winning the day” so to speak. To fail to engage at the governmental level is to fail to act for the good of fellow man and God’s glory. It is to leave our nation open to the horrible chaos of Israel during the time of the Judges, about whom it was tragically said, “In those days there was no king in Israel. Everyone did what was right in his own eyes” (Judges 17:6).
We believe caution is needed here because this is not a simple issue. On one hand, in the New Testament, the church and the secular state are not the same and neither Christ nor Paul expected the same thing from them (John 18:36; 1 Corinthians 5:9-16). The apostolic mission was not to create governments with Christian values, but to preach a gospel that would make dead people new.
On the other hand, it is questionable whether it is really possible to separate godly morality from secular law. Doesn’t our sense of right and wrong come from bearing the image of God in the first place?
We can all be sure a time will come when God will judge all nations – including secular ones – for all their sins (Psalm 110:6; Isaiah 2:4). As the Lord says, “woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness” (Isaiah 5:20). But while we should all agree on what the Bible says about the purity of the church and conduct in the family of God, we believe good Christians can differ on the role of secular government in legislating social morality. Consequently, let us be careful to not judge one another or step back from friendships because different views about the responsibility of secular government exist between us.
5. Our hope has never been nor ever will be in any human government. Our hope is in a sovereign God of grace and an eternal future with Him.
A decision like the one the Supreme Court made shakes many of us at our core. We see sexual morality and associated laws changing contrary to Biblical values faster than we’ve ever seen in our lifetime and it saddens and frightens many of us deeply. As mentioned above, this is the first time in our nation’s history (perhaps even since the legalization of Christianity as a religion in 314 AD), that Biblical Christian morality is being widely attacked as bigotry. We reasonably wonder what persecution might soon befall churches and pastors and Christians in the workplace and on the street corner.
But that does not give us permission to give up hope to the fear of man (Luke 11:4-5). Should significant persecution come to this nation, God will have ordained it and He will not abandon us to it, but He will preserve us and use it to bring good to His people, salvation to the lost, and glory to Himself, just as He has done for centuries (Isaiah 41:10; Romans 9:15).
We must remember too; God does not need America to be a “Christian-nation” in order for Him to be our sure hope while we’re here. He is our only hope, and He always was. Nations have no power compared to His. In fact, He raises up the nations and lays them down according to His perfect wisdom (Daniel 2:48; 7:19; Romans 13:1-7; 2 Chronicles 20:6; Deuteronomy 15:6). America may change for the worse or it may change or the better, but God does not change. He is and always has been our only Savior and Redeemer. And He will continue to be faithful to sustain us.
So let us be grateful to God for a government that has provided such a long season of freedom for the free exercise of Christianity. Let us continue to pray for our leaders and the preservation of that freedom (1 Timothy 2:2). But let us also remember – this is not our home! Our first and only enduring citizenship is not here. Rather, “our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body” (Philippians 3:20-21).
For God’s glory and our good as a church family,
Albert for the pastoral team
NOTE: Here are some additional resources to help you think more on this issue. Many more can be found through a search at The Gospel Coalition (TGC).
- A large collection of various essays and resources:
50 Resources for Equipping the Church on Homosexuality and Same-Sex Marriage (thegospelcoalition.org)
- An essay by Russell Moore:
Six Things To Do after the Supreme Court Decision... | Christianity Today
- A readable sermon by John Piper:
Let Marriage Be Held in Honor | Desiring God